it is always easy said than to be done.

i enjoyed talking to people, i enjoy meeting new people and all these always happen in a casual way. its not that i dont wanna talk to parents, i dunno where should i start and what should i talk to them about. i have to talk to them in a professional way yet like a casual converstaton. how am i suppose to do it? most parents look upon me like as though i am just 18 year old girl who is fresh out of shool, but look! this is the way i look. no matter how i dress, how i make up, or whatever appearance i can change, i still look this way! this is me! i cant just change for the sake of changing. you said grooming is important. and so i took the advice. i bought cosmetic, i doll myself up, i dyed my hair.i tried to speak more in english, but all these, you think thats me? for a better future, yes i know i should change and aint i making effort? haven my scarification more than enough to be seen? i had never thoughtof leaving, neither have i tot of giving up. its not that i dun wanna improve, but where and how should i start? i had never been in such situation before at all! none! how do i manage? i just have to keep everything inside me.

this is hard. i'm handling it all by myself. i cried at work and in front of you many times. 4 months plus and still going on, the number of time i had shed my tears is countless. i dunno if i can still handle all these...

i will still improve. i will speak more english. and hopefully by march, i can show you some progress. =(