sometimes i just wish that i can have more determination to do things, so i wont let people look down on me. i wish i can have some directions for my future, but i seem to be aimless. the confidence i used to have, seems to have gone somewhere else. that kind of "mood" to continue studying is fading... i talked to mum in an agitated tone and i felt bad. but she just cant stop nagging at me. she meant well, yes, and i know. but dun nag at me when my mood is bad.

i really dun feel good. maybe its PMS or wat. something is bothering me. i hate it. i hate this feeling.

trying to hide my unhappiness is really a tough thing to do. perhaps crying will do me good, but my tears is dry. i wanna be someone useful. i'm never good in anything. studies, career, BGRs, human relations, etc i'm just never good.

i just told my mum, how good could it be if i can never grow up. forever be a young kid running around, lying in mum's arms and waiting to be pampered. all these are perhaps my wishful thinking because dad is no longer around. being the eldest at home, i had to bear the responsibility to take care of my family. god must be playing prank on me. i'm growing up day by day, and yet i still cant see what i want. could this be just the end of me?