i was at work today, clearing my work in hands as my last day will be next week on the 12th. as i was doing my work, many thoughts came across my mind. got the feel to blog but my workplace has no internet for me, so this entry is suppose to be blog-ed from office.

so i was saying many thoughts, ya correct.

many questions appear in my mind. why do we have to part with people we love? god creates us human beings and should allow us to live happily and enjoy life to the fullest yet god wan us to cross many bundles of obstacles in our lives. in fact some are even more painful than any others.

pardon me for being so emotional lately. it had been a while i felt this way. i haven been talking much these few days. be it at work, at home or even outside with friends. but i will be fine after i type out all these nonsensical stuff. =)

continue to read if u are still interested, if not, u can just click on the "X" on the top right hand corner.

i fear losing my family. my mother, my brother. i fear of losing my friends too. i fear of losing everything i had now. what if one day i lost every single things which belongs to me? i'm not prepared to face all these yet. never will i be prepared i guess.

why do i feel this way? because i had been missing my late father recently. it had been a year plus plus plus since he was gone, but to me, it seems like everything just happened yesterday. within this 1 year, many things had happened to me, happy or sad.

i know who are my true friends.
i made many new friends.
i am working hard.
i had grown up.
i had my room renovated.
i had my happiest birthday party.
i changed my hp many times.
i pay for my own bills.
i gave my mum monthly household allowance.
i have gotten more freedom.
i take care of my mum and brother.
i learnt to be more understanding.
i learnt to be straightforward.
i learnt to look on the bright side of life.
i learnt to love.
i learnt to hate.
i learnt to cherish.
i learnt not to cry.
i learnt to be harsh.
i learnt to be myself.

could all these above a blessing in disguise since my father passed away?

i guess so.

i would be still aimless after i graduate from ite. i wouldnt know what i want. i could still be lazing around at home, asking for money instead. i wouldnt have any dreams or goals for myself to achieve. my thinking will still be very childish, because i might just be a spoilt brat at home. i wouldnt have known many new people. and i will still be with him.

then i will be just a rotten apple.
or a lost soul roaming aimlessly around the world.

i dunno if i should be glad or be sad. should i thanks my dad? i always know my dad wants the best from me. but i had always failed to do.
i look strong on the outside, but i am actually vulnerable inside.
i'm a normal lady after all.


i lost the most important person in my life who is my father. the one i actually loved so much yet i never had the chance to show it. now that i recalled, i realised it was all too late.
but, this will not get me down. i had my father's blessings. i'm not going to hold back myself anymore. if i love anyone, i will show it. i will prove them with my actions and to touch them sincerely with my heart. i dun wan to regret in the future. even if it doesnt work, at least i tried.

so people out there, i had thought about it. i will work hard towards what i want.

and to su su, i hope you will not be scare off by me. because it had been a while i feel this way, though not easy, but i wanna try. =)
i hope you wont avoid me then. =)

and to my friends, lets all work hard together!


**meaningful post eh? LOL i becoming more and more "got ink water" already sia!