i'm blogging from my office now. so u can actually guess how free i am. doing nothing all day long. which i dun really like it. somehow i feel i am wasting time here. but whatever.

had been rather emotional these days. i dunno why. i really wish to get over him but it seems so hard. looking thru his friendster and read thru what his current gf had wrote for him, certainly pains me. why didnt i treasure him? why wasnt i there for him when he needed me to be there? why do i feel so hurt? i wish i am still with him. yet i wish i can get over him soon. 910 days relationship is so long for me. i never had a such long relationship before. my life so empty without him around. it seems so meaningless. i wish for time to turn back so that i can treat him better. i still love him. this love trap is so hard for me to get out. i miss him badly. =(

no one actually understands what i am going through. this year is terrible. losing my dad, losing him. i'm afraid of losing again. it hurts badly. i really wanna be truly happy again. i wish i can.


alan tan eng how, i miss you a lot, u know ma? i feel so hurt by you!!! life seems so meaningless without you by my side...





i am so tired today, i spent my weekend well. but i overspend. damn.