i think everyone around me had changed. not the usual ones i seem to know these days. in fact, i'm kinda disappointed. i dun wanna name out these people. nobody will know who am i referring to actually. not just one but many.

are my friends really all changing? or am i the one who had changed? i felt that after my dad's death, everyone had been treating me differently. do i need those pity at all? can't people treat me normally? its a pain to lose my loved ones but that doesn't give anyone any rights to actually give me different look. seriously, i'm very very very disappointed. dunno if it's myself fault or other people.

is it because the times i never go school or going out to meet friends caused me all these distances between all of my friends or wat? or people had just hated me all along? perhaps so. no one actually likes me that much. like i had always said, i'm a failure.

especially my school friends. no one seems to be talking to me anymore. i had to initiate a conversation with them instead. i'm infamous i know. they read everyone's blog except mine. they tagged at everyone's blog except mine. does my entries really bored so many people? if that's so, i shall not post anything again. i'm sad to lose my father. cant i just voice out my sad thoughts. my mum cried everyday. my brother always out. i'm like getting a depression soon. but i still have to stay strong. it's very tiring. WHY MUST I BE PRETENDING TO BE HAPPY WHEN I AM NOT???? WHY NO ONE HAD ASKED AM I REALLY HAPPY NOW or wat? i'm typing now and my tears are flowing down my eyes. forget it, no one cares. let it be. i made people hate me more.

no. i'm not having any PMS. i am really feeling sad all these while. no one seems to ask me why. i'm just pretending, can't u all see?

i do treasure friendship. but people take me for granted. they never treat me as friends. whatever topic they talk about, i must seem interested. as for me, whenever i talk, no one seems to take it to heart. are my words really that worthless? why can't people just understand me? why must i be the one who goes around making a fool out of myself to entertain people? who do i live for?

the distance between my friends and me are drifting apart... further than what i had thought to be.

well i guess, i dun have much friends after all. just a loner without a father anymore.