i'm still not used not having my dad around. everything seems so different now.

no more voices from my dad.
no more his coughing sounds.
no more his ciggies' small.
no more his naggings.
no more plucking his white hair.
no more him say "i pretty a not?".
no more him in my life anymore.

i'm really very sad. i had been cryign secretly to myself lately. this grief is so hard to get over. seriously i might not be able to overcome this loneliness in the near future.

i think i dreamt of my dad last night. i'm not quite sure if i did. i dun seem to remember a single thing. i only remembered my papa hugging me and my brother in the dream. i remembered looking into my papa's eyes... his eyes was red.. probably he was fighting his tears in front of me and my brother.

papa, did u come into my dream last night?

i miss you a lot...